Fast Food ArticleSometimes an idea just strikes you like a bolt of lightning but in my case epiphany's come when a woman who looks like she could be on the "Golden Years" throws my grocery cart halfway across the aisle in a fit of rage. Since weird things always seem to happen to me -most of you can attest to this- I have decided that for the summer I will write a column every three or four days and post it on this blog and my home blog midwestsky.blogspot.com. I will also be posting pics at my home site, just click the flickr badge if you would like to view them. You assuredly will laugh, cry and maybe want to punch me in the face by the dog days of summer but frankly my dears I don't give a damn.
I arrived in our nation's capitol yesterday after a 15-hour trek that included an evening’s stop in Springfield, OH which is located just outside Columbus (by the way Columbus is just like Columbia except with more drug problems... from what I hear.) As some of you know I am staying in the basement of the home of a Turkish family in Georgetown, which is great! The area is awesome, the family is great but to be honest I feel a little awkward when I drive around. Apparently there are more rich kids here than from an episode of the "O.C." and EVERYONE drives a BMW, Audi or a Benz and my Honda Civic with red paint all over it courtesy of those renting bastards REMI just doesn't cut it. People look at me when I drive around like I should be headed to the Ghetto instead of G-Town. So, I decided to play the part and am now sporting a gold chain necklace that says "Thug Life" on it and wear a Washington Nationals hat with the sticker still on it while bumping Nelly's "Ride Wit Me". Represent Straight up Gangsta Style.
After getting a good night's sleep, I decided to play tourist for the day. My first stop was Wisconsin Ave. to do a little shopping. You know how they say small town kids can never make it in the big city. Well, let me tell you they are correctamundo. Or, maybe I'm just an idiot because I got played harder than the new senior at bingo night dealing with parking officials in GTown. It cost me $13 for 2 hrs. of parking when down the street near the harbor it was $5. To say the least, I was pissed off. So, in my fit of rage I bought a Yoga tape at Barnes and Noble and plan on meditating tonight about the entire situation.
Following shopping, I headed to see the President and Tony Blair at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.. Blair was in town for the day to talk to Bush about how they fucked up so bad with the Iraq War and how they can avoid ending up like their Enron buddies.(P.S. Ken Lay nice one... way to make your University proud). I drove around for a while and then started to notice something, as I got further down this one street called G. buildings became uglier and I started to see Jamaican flags everywhere. But, instead of friendly Rastafarian people everywhere there were just angry guys looking to sell/score drugs. I knew I had to get out of this hood, so I took a turn where it said Howard University, bad idea. Apparently, Howard University is in the ghetto of D.C. because I was the only white person in a 10 block radius, and since I was dressed all "gangsta" I didn't want to be mistaken for that turd Jamie Kennedy from "Malibu's Most Wanted" so I got the hell out of there.
That leads me to the crazy old woman at the grocery store. While shopping for the essentials at this place called Safeway I decided to pick up some grapes -a delicious snack that is also filled with nutritious vitamins that will help you grow into a strapping young lad. This woman, who was around 65 and sporting one of those old gray-haired afros, turned to me and told me I cut her off. Well, obviously I was confused since I didn't realize our carts were "vehicles". I turned to the woman and said in a smug tone "Sorry I'm new here." It was the only thing I could think of to say. And then in a fit of grocery rage, granny grabbed my cart -which was filled with delicious yet healthy food items- and flung it out of her way down the aisle. Luckily, the cart didn't hit anyone, heaven forbid a small innocent child who just got finished with Lacrosse practice or a chess club meeting and just wanted to stop at the store for an AbbaZabba or a Rice Krispie Snack. Frazzled, I got my cart and didn't say a word to the woman and just decided to pay for my stuff and leave this place.
Well, now it's time for Yoga with my boy Rodney Yee. It has been a long day and this kid needs some herbal tea and a clear mind. Have a Righteous Day.